Who Knew?
1. To remove a bandage painlessly,saturate the bandage with vodka.
The stuff dissolves adhesive.
2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers,fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean.
The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
3. To clean your eyeglasses,simply wipe the lenses with a soft,clean cloth dampened with vodka.
The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.
4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving.
The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
5. Spray vodka on wine stains,scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.
6 Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.
7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo.
The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.
8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle with vodka and spray bees or wasps to kill them.
9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water into a Ziploc freezer bag
and freeze for a slushy, refreshing ice pack for aches,pain or black eyes.
10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers,
fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days.
Strain liquid through a coffee filter,then apply the tincture to aches and pains.
11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.
12. To cure foot odor,wash your feet with vodka.
13. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.
14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin.
15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth.
Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.
And silly me! I've only been drinking the stuff!!
I never realized how much emails could teach you. I recently received the above email and snickered a little to myself. Then I got to thinking: Wouldn't that make the job of cleaning house much less onorous? So now, this a typical "cleaning" day at my house.
Prepare my "cleaning solution" by pouring a bottle of vodka into spray bottle. Taste it to make sure it the correct strength. Clean my face using the vodka astringent and take a shower being sure to add a shot of vodka to my shampoo. Take a shot just to get in the mood to shower.
Remove my razor from the vodka solution it has been soaking in. Shave a strip of fur from my legs, take a shot. Shave a strip, take shot. Continue until all fur is removed from legs.
Next, I need to bandage up my legs to staunch the flow of blood created my missing a few times with my razor. Take a shot.
Looking around the bathroom, I spot some mildew up in the corner of the shower. Spray the mildew with "cleaning solution." Spray solution into my mouth. Notice caulking is looking a little dingy as well. Spray solution into my mouth, then remember I am supposed to be spraying the caulking. Spray caulking, then into my mouth. Spray mouth again. Stumble out of bathroom, falling on the way.
Go into kitchen to get used mayonnaise jar. Add vodka to remaining mayonnaise. No lavender leaves, but I have parsley flakes. Almost the same thing. Set mayo mixture outside.
Look at clock and wonder where the time has gone. Wonder why I am running so low on "cleaning solution." Notice I can't see very well out of my glasses. Decide to clean them with a damp cloth soaked in vodka. Squeeze vodka into my mouth from cloth. Wipe off glasses. Still can't focus. Repeat above instructions.
Realize the entire day is gone, and knowing I obviously worked my butt off, decide to go to bed. Of course, my "cleaning solution" is gone too. I may have to get another job to support my "cleaning" habit.
No, I'll just fix myself a drink of Formula 409.
