Van Hater

I guess I will start with an apoology to those readers who drive a van. While I'm sure you are perfectly responsible, nice, caring person while on foot, a bicycle, in the grocery store, riding a unicycle, on an airplace, in a boat or just generally anywhere other than driving your van, once you get behind the wheel of your precious minivan, you become my enemy.
There is something about minivans that lead the driver to believe they are the only vehicle on the road. I have seen semis change lanes and accelerate when they see a minivan entering the highway they are on. I can hear the driver's thoughts now: (Oh dear Lord, it's a soccer mom in a minivan! Take me far, far away to keep me safe and so I will live to see my family another day.)
My daughter and I have often discussed how much we despise vans. She used to work at a fast food drive-in and would constantly tell about the vans who drove in with 16 kids piled up in the back. Me, I really don't care how many people are in the van. I just want the van parked at YOUR house.
I used to think minivans accidentally ran you off the road because the visibility was bad in those particular vehicles. Now, I think something evil lurks in one or more of the parts that assemble the contraption. This evil leads the driver to believe thay can merge onto a highway regardless of how much traffic is already on it. The evil tells the driver it can change lanes without using a blinker and the car next to the van can move OR ELSE. The evil tells the driver he/she can read their mail while driving because it (the van) will do the driving for them.
Now, I understand there's lots of room for hauling kids, equipment, car seats, bicycles, furniture, small houses, etc. I also understand sometimes you need a vehicle to haul these things and/or people. I just want to encourage you to resist the evil. Resist the urge to turn around in your seat when you hear a French fry drop. Resist the urge to push other vehicles off the road. Resist the urge to text on your phone, dress your child, put on your socks or do your laundry while driving the evil beast! Go home! Park the evil minivan and get a posturepedic bed and never leave your room!