Scooter weather

I would love to be able to drive my scooter again. I miss it. A little background--We bought a little Honda moped a couple of years ago. I live in a small town where the speed limit is usually no more than 30 miles per hour, so a vehicle that has a top speed of about 29 mph is just fine. Also, there's not much traffic, so you are relatively safe (unless someone is driving behind you talking on their cell phone, eating a hamburger, putting their hair up in a ponytail, putting on mascara in the rearview mirror and simultaneously talking with the nine other people smashed into their little clown car). The good side is that the scooter gets between 80 and 90 miles to the gallon which, when gas is $4 a gallon, is a darn sight better than my Buick. The bad part is that I look like a Cabbage Patch doll riding on a Barbie bike. Or a Weeble riding a straw. Whatever--you get the picture.
Ok, so I'm a short, fat, old lady riding around on a tiny little scooter wearing a bicycle helmet. (I mean better safe than sorry, right?) Since I live in a small town and work for the local papaer, I know many of the folks around here. I can just imagine the conversation around the dinner table: (Hey, I'm in menopause, you know it's about ME!) "Did you see Christine on her scooter today? I wonder where that seat goes when she sits on it? Do you think it has to be surgically removed when she stands up? You suppose those tires are reinforced? Does she think a bicycle helmet is going to protect her if she gets hit by a car?
In answer to the last question, I don't know how much protection my helmet will provide, but I hope if I get hit, I'm not having a Big Panty day.